Why me?

A little less than a year ago, I bought a macbook. A couple of days ago, I saw cracks on the casing.

Earlier this year I bought an iphone. Last week I saw a crack on the body.

Last month, I bought a Swift... God help me!

What they're doing to us...

Director: I want you to cut costs immediately.

HR: How?

Director: I dunno... Put a freeze on bonuses and hikes this year.

HR: But attrition?

Director: Arrgghhh... tell them its recession time. They wont go anywhere.

HR: But we're doing well in India.

Director: I know we are, but everyones using that excuse, so why shouldn't we?

HR: Err...I dont think it will work...

Director: Try it.. if it doesn't, we'll change work timings and make days longer. We'll also make them work on Saturdays. I need more productivity.

HR: At their present salary's with no overtime?

Director: Obviously.

HR: But its against the law.

Director: Arrrgghhh...Tell them its good for work life balance. Come up with a theory and some statistics to prove it. Also dig out some articles from timeswellness.com. They wont know what hit them.

HR: Humm.. Ok sounds good.

Director: Er.. also try to reduce the CTC of a few employees..

HR: What? How do you expect me to do that?

Director: Tell them since they've been performing well, the company is willing to shift them laterally as an "All Round Development" initiative. But since they have no experience in that department, we'll have to cut their salaries by half. But its good for them in the long run.

HR: Then who's going to do the jobs they were initially hired for?

Director: They will still do it, we'll just lengthen their job profile and tell them they need more challenges. Come up with another theory on "Job Enrichment". You might want to refer that text book..what's it called now?.. er.. er... "Best HR Practices adopted in 2008" or some such gas.

HR: Who wrote it?

Director: I did.

HR: Never mind. I wanted to check with you...

Director: Oh wait.. another brain wave just came to me. We should do something about claims.

HR: What about claims?

Director: We should stop people from claiming them.

HR: You mean you want them to pay their bills and incur travel and cell phone expenses for the company, and not be reimbursed?

Director: You're finally catching on.

HR: Why would they accept that?

Director: Tell them its a new policy.

HR: Now you're pushing it.

Director: Ok ok... Er.. Lets make the claim process a complex one. Make them all fill out 20 forms for a claim. Tell them to get their bosses to sign on them. Oh and tell them that it needs to reach HR within 24 hours of incurrence. No exceptions. And tell them that its a new "Improving Efficiency and Promptness" initiative or something like that.

HR: Okie...

Director: Now what was it? You wanted to ask me something?

HR: The prospective recruit wants 20 percent more. We need to close this ASAP. He has other offers.

Director: Does he? Hmm.. we do need someone to fill that vacancy. Make him believe that this is a great place to work in. Tell him that 20% will be spent on his training. Which will be paid for by the company. And if he leaves within a year, we will have to charge it back to him. Say it confidently so he knows we mean business. Also, when he joins, give him a weeks induction and throw some concepts at him. Borrow some theories from the Business Development dept. They actually know how to bullshit.

HR: Yeah I know what you mean. "A dummies guide to bullshitting effectively" is treated like a bible there.

Director: What? When did that one come out?

HR: About a decade ago.

Director: Really? Who wrote it?

HR: You did.

Director: Oh yeah... :D